invasive/infiltrating ductal carcinoma: scary words

Where do I start? I’m usually not at a loss for words, but after yesterday’s verdict, I’m still stunned.

Invasive, or infiltrating, ductal carcinoma.

It echoes in my mind when other sounds do not replace it. It’s all I hear. I try not to actually sound the words in my head as they echo, but it takes an effort to do that.

So I finally got the word after an eternal wait of six days. I could say that I nearly knew the verdict the moment I felt the dimpling under my left breast. I’ve had enough well-defined lumps, cysts and fibroadenomas that produce the usual response from the medical staff: oh, well-defined is usually a good thing. We only worry when it’s not a defined lump, when it’s irregular or when it’s causing the skin to pull or dimple. We check the well-deformed lumps, just the same, but usually they’re not a problem.

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