bald

Yesterday after much brushing out clumps leaving bald spots under some of the tufts of long stubborn hair, Marvin mercifully cut down and then off the rest of it. It was a positive move that made me feel like I was the one in control of my hair. It felt weird to have it all gone, but it was somehow weirder and more emotional having it come out in clumps and handfuls with the brushing and waiting for it all to come out.

So no I can see all my scars from the past, hehe. I see the one from my accident when I was 17, and then Marvin said there’s another more in the back that I can’t see, which I wonder whether it’s from that same accident or just my childhood tomboy activities.

It feels cool, as though I’d sprayed menthol on my scalp. I slept with a little cap in case the little stubble decided to fall off during the night, but I’m still stubbled this morning though not enough for a shadow.

Maybe I’ll enjoy the freedom of no blow-drying, no spending money on hair products and will keep shaving it off even after it starts growing back in. Hmmm, you never know.

Maybe tatoos, or at least temporary tatoos since I think I can’t risk the possible infection. I already played with some of my scarves, and I think they will look just fine as is. The cancer store for hair pieces and scarves sells these head pads that are supposed to give some substance underneath a scarf because they say without it your head scarf lies flat. Well, so what? That’s what’s there — no hair, just my head. Scarves are great to play with and look wonderful, so I think I’ll be just as happy with that or even going bald. I don’t see myself as being too self-conscious about it, but I suppose I might feel different if I go out and people stare at my head. I don’t think I’ll care. People have stared at me for other reasons, so this wouldn’t be the first time. Generally, I considering staring to be the manifestation of boredom in the life of the giver rather than the receiver. I’m happy to provide them with some excitement.

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