rough day

After starting out yesterday very up with even a morning of special activity, later in the day I started feeling overwhelmingly nauseated. Of course, since this is past the normal nausea stage following chemo, so I didn’t take anything until in the evening. Suddenly, it dawned on me that maybe taking Zofran would help the sickening feeling that was lingering all day.

After taking that, around 10:30 I started to feel better. Duh. I guess I need to learn how to handle some of this. I just kept thinking there was no reason that I should feel nauseated, so I should just ignore it and it would go away. Hah.

So this morning I’m feeling limp. Had cereal and banana and am now trying to rehydrate myself as yesterday I had a hard time taking anything comfortably.

I was also feeling very overwhelmed with work and my board responsibilities. With our upcoming performance in October, I don’t want to miss anything but at times I’m just not able to accomplish things like I did before all of this. Now I’m hoping I’m not overextended. I’m learning that I have limits now that I’ve never felt before. I’ve always been able to push myself to do whatever I needed to do to get the job done. Now, it’s very different for me. Some days I absolutely do not have the strength to get off the bed or the sofa, and this has been difficult to absorb. I don’t like it, and I don’t like the feeling that this thing is determining what I can or cannot do. I have to reverse my thinking and start from the fact that this is my new set of limitations and priorities and they are unrelated to what I used to do. I have to tell myself this every day. I think I’m getting it.

It still amazes me that I have so little energy compared to what I used to have. It’s like the chemo consumes it. I wake up feeling refreshed for a while and can do some computer work, and before I know it, in about an hour I’m feeling at least exhausted.

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