Tomorrow I have a meeting with my oncologist. I used to be unable to sleep the night before an appointment. I would think about the what ifs. I wasn’t even sure of what the what ifs were, but I was always uneasy. The reason was not because of discomfort in communicating with my oncologist or her staff. The reason was me. I gather into my feeble brain as many what ifs as I could and focus on that list.
Now, I do not think about what ifs. I focus on what I want to ask. Not too long ago I would have a lengthy list of questions that included several what-if scenarios. Tomorrow I will have a short list of questions. I will also have a short summary of how I have been feeling, what side effects are hanging around and a copy of the critical information from my last lab report that I want to discuss. I’m guessing we will talk about my tumor markers (mild anxiety). Maybe we will discuss a PET scan (that still makes me uptight). Bottom line: anticipate the best and go from there.
Oh, yes, tonight I will meditate.
After I listen to Dave Brubeck: Take Five.5 6 7 8 © 2004-2010 Donna Peach. All rights reserved.