preoccupied with cancer

Life this weekend is

  • monitoring every bite and sip I take along with when I do either
  • logging my blood glucose at 6:00 am and before lunch and whatever other times are appropriate
  • wondering whether the fasting before the PET scan is one of the reasons for the elevated glucose level (in addition to the stress)
  • because of that, wondering whether I should fast tonight and forego the vinegar and cheese at 11:00 pm to see if my 6:00 am reading will change
  • knowing that despite whatever I do these three days, it all may have no direct effect on my glucose reading at the scheduled time of my scan

So, today was another day immersed in cancer stuff. Not just the glucose readings but lots of shooting bone pains along with the most annoying and long-lasting muscle spasms I have ever had to date. I typically get surprise spasms across my left rib cage, and occasionally on my right, and, in the morning before rising, in my calves. This morning after the spasm in the left calf eased, I watched the muscles on the inside of that calf moving around as though something was running around under my skin. If it weren’t such a spectacular activity, it would have been creepy. The muscle along the inside of the calf kept pulsing up and down the length of my calf. I was more fascinated as I watched my foot extend again in spasm despite my effort to avoid it by maintaining the stretch on that muscle. Between the spasms and scattered frequent bone pain, every day this week reminded me that life is always a bit preoccupied when cancer lurks within.

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© 2004–2011 Donna Peach. All rights reserved.


One response to “preoccupied with cancer

  1. I’m sorry your week is sounding not-so-great – I wish that when I was having a crap week, I could at least comfort myself that you were having a great time in compensation. I think I have this weird idea that functionality is a solid thing that some group of us are sharing around, rather like the three Fates sharing one eye between them. I suppose I want our suffering to MEAN something, to be doing some good somehow. I imagine that is both rather human of me and also rather idiotic…

    Anyway, I hope next week is better for both of us. Take care, dearest girl!

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