As the day seemed to crawl by, pain in my left hip radiated through my knee off and on. I was exhausted and spent the day home, trying to recover from yesterday. Still considering my options and coming to terms with my decision. I will probably be settled after I see the neurology oncologist Monday about the numbness in my face. I am trying not to think much about that as to whether it is related or not to the cancer. It just feels too weird, it’s horrendous when I eat, requiring me to hold onto my lip with my finger to avoid repeatedly chomping down on the now very swollen and sore inner lip.
For now, I am meditating on my choices and trying to relax with my current status. The fear always seeps into the most unwelcome moment: times when Marvin and I are enjoying a conversation, a meal, right as I seem to be peacefully drifting off to sleep, and, oddly, some busy times that seem unlikely for such an intrusion by that unwelcome terrorist. Sometimes I think I am falling asleep often because my my mind shuts the door so I can rest and leave that unwelcome guest out in the cold, banging on the locked door.
Tonight I believe I will dream of much more pleasant scenes. I will be choreographing and dancing, as I normally do in my dreams, like I have in the past, ignoring my current disabled body, and that is a sweet repose that wakes me in the morning with a smile and so many ideas. I always keep my iPhone near so I can record those seeds and keep them for the next time I need to grow either a dance or a poem.
5 6 7 8
© 2004–2012 Donna Peach. All rights reserved.