I was reading some of the writing from the night I was running my high fever. It was a bit scary because none of it made sense. I was writing sentences that were essentially and grammatically correct but oh so wrong. I started laughing at first until I thought that this was the product of my own brain. As though I had been hallucinating. I guess that is good enough reason for convincing me that I need to get this surgery completed without hesitation.
My weekend has been a single and devoted mission of rehabilitation. I have been drinking nothing but clear fluids still, and I am not even interested in anything else. I nibbled yesterday on a bit of scrambled egg and two slivers of hashed browns. Today, it was nothing but diet ginger ale and Jello®; I am enjoying the Jello.
I don’t know that I am even nervous because everything has happened so fast, and the surgery seems so minuscule in overall priority, plus the fact it appears my surgeon is the chair of the department, whose specialty is this particular surgery. In addition, thirty-some years ago my first husband underwent this kind of surgery that was, obviously, rather new then, and his surgery was much more complicated. My surgery will involve only one disk space to remove the pressure from the spinal cord and restore the space in the spinal canal. The key ingredient to successful surgery is the person holding the instruments, and UCI physicians, part of the Comprehensive Cancer Centers of America, are some of the best in the country. Oddly, I feel calm when I see my doctors because I have confidence that they are excellent and come with top credentials in a setting that demands thorough vetting of physicians and residents. I know this because I worked there, and slaved through the required paperwork of any new resident, a system amplified for attending physicians coming into the system. If you need anything going into a procedure, it is confidence in your surgeon, in this case, my neurosurgeon. Along with that confidence comes the additional belief that all of my physicians are communicating, a fact proven repeatedly as we exchange and interchange communication.
Realistically, something can go wrong in any situation, but with all of the signals directing the way, it is unlikely. If it happens, I am not going to worry about that in advance.
My only concern now is to get as strong as I can so I can recuperate from the surgery, which should take only about an hour in the hands of a master of his science and skill. When my ex-husband had this surgery many years ago, it took several hours. I think Dr. Delashaw has assured me sufficiently that the technology in his hands, and, yes, I consider confidence if not a bit of arrogance, well placed in the right hands, literally. Surgeons do have a certain reputation not without justification.
Further details of the surgery for those interested will come later. After that, next Friday I have my regular cancer treatment and meeting with my hematology oncologist so we can decide where to go next: radiation, hormonal treatment or, we’ll see. So much now for speculation. Time for rest. Again. I am oddly giddy about getting all of this done.
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