My first day of therapy yesterday was every bit as challenging as I could have imagined. I started in the morning with OT, squeezing a four-inch ball as hard as I could with both hands. I did a couple of other exercises before I was finished and completely exhausted. PT was even harder, though the exercises amounted to not much of anything. I am trying hard not to think about what used to be. I sat in the chair and lifted my thighs from the seat and then did leg extensions. Both exercises required several sets after which I needed a rest. Then, we did relevé, something that I used to do with such ease and now with such great difficulty. I also did some pliés, which also wore me out beyond my comprehension.
It is startling that I have lost so much strength and stamina. I was already deconditioned, anyway, but the surgery seems to have sapped every last bit of resources that I did have. It felt so difficult that I wondered whether I can get past this while I was doing it, but I have been mulling it over in my room since my return and thinking that with such a low baseline, I will just need to push past the feelings of intimidation that I felt today. I am not thinking ahead at all; I am just going to take this slowly and definitely one day at a time. I know I need to get stable to be able to function independently, so I have no choice as to whether I will succeed. I will succeed, even if slowly. I have ten days to my first evaluation, so I expect to show some great improvements by then.
At least I got a relatively good night’s sleep with no rude awakenings middle of the night. I was so tired last night after my athletic training program that I did not even need any lorazepam. I sat up the entire day without lying in bed at all, an athletic achievement in itself. By the time seven o’clock came I was ready to climb in bed and almost ready for sleep. I finally started nodding off after nine o’clock. The staff has been nice about closing the door to the room, and this helps shut out that obnoxious bright fluorescent light along with the incessant intercom announcements and staff chatter. What a difference in the way I feel when I sleep. After so many years of being able to function, albeit probably much of the time sleep deprived, on four hours, I am now unable to feel human without a decent six to seven hours. Considering my level of functioning now, it is amusing to me that I need that much sleep to do what I am doing during the day. I do know that sleep feels healing to me now as I feel greatly restored in the morning after I have slept well.
The nice part of the morning is that my window faces southeast, so I get a room full of sunshine when waking up. What a great way to start the day.
Fueled by breakfast and now ready to begin training day 2.
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