life does not prepare us for catastrophic illness

As I struggle through this difficult period with hope to see an improvement with my quality of life, I cannot help but think, during this Pinktober with ads on the television and Internet, that we really need more research for metastatic breast cancer. All I can think of is whether we have more options for me at this point, and I obstinately try to avoid thinking about what it all means and the inevitable.

Yet, all the celebrating that we see on Facebook and Twitter from others who claim to have beat cancer are a bit depressing when you think you have been strong all your life and now you are dealing with something that is not ever anything you have prepared yourself in life to encounter. I mean, we train for success in our careers, our family life, our personal life, our athletics and other interests. No way does anything prepare us, however, for a catastrophic illness. The uncertainty and fear that come with it are beyond anything we could have imagined happening to us, especially at an age that we still expect to be accomplishing so much in life with our careers and other parts of our lives.

Most of the time I am able to focus on the positive aspects of my life. Yet, days that are filled with discomfort and weakness make that difficult, so I distract myself with whatever means that lends itself comforting at the time. All I know is that I hate this disease more than I care to share and often wish that it were a dream from which I will awake.

By the way, thank you to the peanut gallery. I am drinking my water.

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© 2004–12 Donna Peach. All rights reserved.

13 responses to “life does not prepare us for catastrophic illness

  1. purdyfarmsbecky

    Oh my dear Lady. I have days that I feel miserable and weak too. But my aliments are nothing like yours. I get strength from my family and friends on days like that. I know you do too. Drink your water! Sending you my love and prayers, and wishes of dreams of dancing! ♥

  2. I am so sorry you have to go through such dreadful stuff. It is simply not fair.

  3. When you’re going through hell, keep going (Winston Churchill). We have no other choice. Nice post, Donna.

  4. You are just amazing. It has to be so difficult to stay as positive as you are when not feeling good. Love, hug’s and lots of energy too you. Keep up the good work with the water!

  5. Roni (RaptorRapture)

    Laugh and we laugh with you. Cry and we cry, too. In either situation, you are never alone in that we feel you. I wish we could do a time-shre arrangement…I would gladly give you days of my life to be free from the pain, discomfort and now have. If wishing could make that so, you would have been dancing today for sure. But we can’t, so we try to hold on to the thought of your courage, and we marvel that you have been so strong for so long, thus defining what real courage is…not the absence of fear, but going forward despite the fear. And you have been showing us that for a long time now. I am privileged to share your share thoughts, fears, and desires. I am honored to be included in your list of friends. And one day I will be honored to be among the stars with you and we can actually meet, soul to soul. I think I will recognize you at once. You’ll be the one with the tutu on! Bright healing light, owl wings to enfold you, eagles to bring you courage, and lots of love.

  6. Donna, what you said is so well worded and so true. I would really like to link back to this post from my blog. I hope you don’t mind if I share it with my readers. I’m sorry that your time with your niece is over. It is wonderful to know that you are going forward despite your fear. Today, fear is winning with me.

  7. Dear Donna,
    You don’t know me but I am a Decorah Eagle Cam watcher. I had not been on the site since Spring and just learned of your illness. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless.

  8. Lots of love, hugs and positive energy coming your way…oh how I wish we could do more! Wishing you a good nights sleep with some renewed energy tomorrow!

  9. Donna. I wish these days would let up as you have been through much discomfort recently. You have a full right to have fear winning when you keep getting hit with more discomfort as each day rolls in. I keep hoping for a turn in the tide, but you deserve to feel whatever you are feeling. Of course my prayers and thoughts are with you and I am just hoping all of this discomfort would turn around so you could be in the moment enjoying your quality of life. but when things are not trending in a positive direction, it is normal to feel lousy. We just have to take one day at a time and hope for a brighter day. You have been put through so much with this disease and sometimes it’s just cruel and unfair. Here’s to hoping for better days ahead, sweet dreams and dancing in the light, Love and Hugs XoXoXo-Susan

  10. My dearest Donna,
    Remember this…. You are surrounded by your fearless friends…. those of us who refuse to celebrate anything until we are able to celebrate true progress for YOU and all those with mets.

    Holding you very close, Donna… And I love Scorchy’s quote. One of my favorites….


  11. So sorry that you are going through this difficult period. Cancer definitely interrupts our lives at all ages:

  12. Thinking of you dear Donna. Love and hug’s

  13. I just read your post from Friday and today…you are in my thoughts and prayers…

    I had not seen your “Creative everyday” purple and blue blog award before but I love it and know that you ARE creative everyday…

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